Help for Partners
Is your life turned upside down? You are not alone.
With the discovery of secrets, and oftentimes a situation that was never anticipated living in, it’s important for people who are in this situation to know that they are not to blame. Many have been told why they are paranoid, overbearing, controlling, etc. This can lead to self-doubt and insecurity, we encourage you to trust your gut.The first thing that is needed for many in this situation is time and space. There can be mixed emotions at this time. You may see your partner struggling with shame, and want to be a supportive person, but you might not be able to be this at this time. It is fine if you’re unable to sit in that support section. This is a time to practice identifying what you need and asking for this. Just know that it is normal to feel confused, and feel unsure. Checking in with yourself several times a day can help with this confusion. Seeking therapeutic can prove very helpful when trying to navigate boundaries during this season.
Moving Towards Trust
Trauma can make the vulnerability of not knowing whether or not you can ever trust your partner again feel unbearable. Comfort with such vulnerability will need to slowly be increased over time in order to have a connected relationship again.
Moving towards such trust can be extremely difficult. Polygraphs are commonly considered an option. Therefore, it is highly recommended that the disclosure process be structured process. Along with a trained therapist, the partner and addict can work to prepare questions that must be asked, along with a written disclosure with pertinent history. This structured process is much more likely to help the couple move forward. The three-day intensive is designed specifically to accomplish this difficult process.
The Importance of Therapy
While addicts need help with managing their behavior and rebuilding trust, partners need help with coping with the trauma that they have dealt with. It’s also helpful for them to have a therapist who can help with establishing boundaries, and validating the emotional experience that they’re having. However, those who do participate in therapy report finding increased contentment, trust, and intimacy.